Friday, February 08, 2008

The Word of God

The Golgotha Accord was laid down in AD 27* when God’s latest ‘Best Boy’ was crucified and broke open the gates of Hell.** It outlines the areas of influence that the loyal and rebel*** angels have upon each other and the mortal realm and consists of 736 pages in Azrael’s crabbed handwriting and details such rules that were decided at the Fall. Rule 37 of the charter, for example, stated that “Neither Angel nor Rebel shall strike one another, for to do so will bring down the Wrathe of Heaven.” Current theory has it that this refers to the apocalypse though the archaic spelling, Jasfoup is alone in thinking, refers to the Breath of God, who loves a good fight.****

*Later changed to AD33 to come into line with the popular misconception the Jesus was born in ADzero.

**Not to free the souls therein, as is popularly claimed, but to declare Hell ‘Open for Business.’ Much to Lucifer’s disgust, they haven’t closed properly ever since. “It’s not as if they were even locked,’ he’ll say to anyone that broaches the subject in his hearing. “We’d just painted them and everything.”

*** Later renamed ‘Demons’ to match the popular culture’s pre-existing undesirables.

**** AKA the Holy Ghost. He used to be female until the Hebrews decided that (1) God had to be a man, (2) God couldn’t be part female and (3) Dresses were pretty cool so hey, let’s call them Robes.


Steve Malley said...

One of the most entertaining posts I've read in a while. Especially loved 'we'd just had them painted and everything'. Thanks!

Leatherdykeuk said...

My pleasure :) Glad you enjoyed it.