Monday, March 17, 2008

Saints Alive


The reliquary of St. Steven of Walthamstow was kept, as was proper, in a glass case in the north transept of St. Pity’s. When the police received an automated alarm call indicating that the church had been broken into they dispatched only one car, believing it to be pranksters or crackheads looking for a trinket or two to sell down the market. What they didn’t expect was to find Father Richards in a complete panic because the ancient and priceless reliquary had gone missing. WPC Foster retrieved the item the next day with and arrested Father Richards, whose fingerprints were all over it. Inconclusive evidence, perhaps, until the fingerbone inside the reliquary was tested for DNA and found to match the priest’s sister Agnes, who had been admitted to hospital from a chainsaw accident the previous year. The present whereabouts of St. Steven was never discovered, though the local Christian Retail Outlet had been doing a roaring trade in Saint’s Dust Holy Water.

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