Tuesday, November 11, 2008

One for the Accident Book


Prime Corporal Gefardl wasn’t feeling well when he landed his spaceship on the sheep pasture of Farmer Edwin Height. On most of the sheep, come to that. Although it was broad daylight his ship had an invisibility cloak, so all the farmer saw as he looked across the summer grassland was a flock of very flat, very dead sheep. He called the police.

PC Albert Henshaw, in the passenger seat of Foxtrot 3, one of Laverstone’s two squad cars (Foxtrot 2 was currently in the garage, having the suspension realigned after PC Henshaw had demonstrated his off-road driving skills to off-duty WPC Wendy Owens), described the scene as ‘A giant fly, vomiting over the corpse of Edwin Height and then sucking the resultant goo up its proboscis.’ When Sergeant Sam Pierce, driver of the car, got out to investigate more closely, the giant fly did the same to him. PC Henshaw added the detail that the sergeant screamed for several minutes before his face finally dissolved and the monster drank everything but his buttons.

The fly then burped, vomited experimentally over Foxtrot 3 (PC Henshaw would be eternally grateful for the metal’s imperviousness to the stomach acid), turned and vanished into thin air. He then described a roar which Henshaw likened to the noise of a speedway race which gradually doppler-shifted into silence, leaving two semi-decomposed bodies and thirty sheep, each four feet in diameter and one inch thick.

He marked Sergeant Pierce down in the accident book as a drunk driver.

8 comments:

DJ Kirkby said...

Ewwwwwww....erm, is it wrong that I laughed in a few places? :)

Leatherdykeuk said...

*chuckles*
Not at all. Where would we be without laughter?

martha said...

You would think the presiding powers would insist on proper training before letting an inept corporal take charge of a spaceship. Dumb Doofus - just think of the ruckus this will kick up.

Leatherdykeuk said...

Ah! There wasn't a scratch on the ship!

aims said...

I'm thinking what a mess the wool will be in and what use could it be put to with acid stains on it.

(we're apparently out of sync - you're not posting when I'm reading or something like that)

Leatherdykeuk said...

Sorry!
I'm writing the WIP until 6:00 PM here most days, then I write Jasfoup and Laverstone and poetry

stephanie said...

*laughs* I really am amused by this one, though perhaps that says something disturbing about me.

Leatherdykeuk said...

It was meant to be funny. I subbed this to Asylum magazine.