Monday, May 04, 2009
A Piece of Adequate Proportion
The document was dated 1865, long before even Lady Sophia was born. Written in faded brown ink upon an ancient piece of parchment, it gave details of a statue found when digging the Manor Well in 1864 and was keptin the same case as the curious antique.
Made of bone, the statue was buried over a hundred feet down, in land that had lain undisturbed since before records began. From the dairy of Lady Clarissa Waterford:
“Reverend Lockson has studied the statue, and has positively dated it as pre-Roman to judge from the style and depth at which it was found. The maker of the artifact had little knowledge of anatomy – the legs are too short, the head too large and the neck too wide and the statue’s reproductive organs are entirely out of proportion. I do, however, find myself curiously attracted to it. Last week, when I was listening to the good Reverend’s sermon in church, my hand strayed to y bag and stroked the statue. It was an automatic response, for had anyone enquired I would have stated quite truthfully that I believed the statue to be in the locked cabinet in the library.”
The statue passed into the hands of Sophia Waterford, who kept it in a tin box in the attic and forgot all about it. It came to light again in 2009 when Harold Waterman, the great grandson of Lady Clarissa, was forced to go into the attic to mend several broken tiles.
He, too, took to carrying the statue around with him. Gillian his partner, caught him stroking it. “What are you doing?” she asked.
Harold shrugged. “It feels pleasant under my fingers,” he said. “Soothing.”
“Is it magical?” she asked.
Harold shrugged. “It might be. Who can tell with these old fetishes?”
Gillian leaned in to whisper. “Do you really want yours to shrink?”